SULAIMANI, Kurdistan Region – Kissing in public has suddenly turned into an issue in Iraqi Kurdistan, since a couple was charged with indecent behavior for kissing in a park and posting the picture online.
That kicked off a protest on Facebook, with like-minded couples posting their own kissing pictures. It also brought to light a smoldering conflict between the generations: Is kissing in public really haram – or forbidden -- in Islam?
“I have never seen my parents kiss each other, nor heard them declare their love,” said IT specialist Shivan, who is 27 and whose home in the Iraqi Kurdistan capital of Erbil is not so different from others.
In Kurdistan’s conservative and largely traditional society, family members of the opposite sex do not publicly display physical affection, and certainly do not kiss openly.
Yet, Kurdish society is changing. Young people travel, they watch foreign movies. And in many parks young couples are often seen sitting together.
Shivan knows many of them also kiss – mostly in secret. “Why should we continue lying in this way?” he exclaims. “This shows boys and girls are not free to express their feelings.”
The first kissers -- a local photographer and his European girlfriend – posted their picture online last month to protest the destruction of an abstract sculpture at Sulaimaini’s Freedom Park, depicting a kissing couple.
It is widely believed that radical Muslims were responsible for the damage. But the kissing duo says it did not aim the protest at them.
“It is a personal statement, that love cannot be demolished as easily as a statue,” they declared.
Although they were supported by artists, intellectuals and young Kurds, the couple was criticized strongly by Islamic politicians and imams, who say they are even considering an official complaint.
Islamic voices in Kurdistan claim that a kiss shared in public between a man and a woman is haram.
Media, a 28-year-old married schoolteacher in Sulaimani, agrees.
“People who respect others do not kiss in public. You have to respect our culture and traditions. You should not bother others with your life,” she says.
So does she agree with the imams that a kiss is the same as sex? “No, but it does lead to it. If couples can kiss in public, it will lead to sex.” She points out that according to Islam neither is allowed when a couple is not married, and therefore agrees that the protesting couple will be charged in court.
For sociologist and writer Rebwar Siwayli, the controversial kiss “visualizes the protest of the young generation against our conservative culture, and especially against the religious part of it.”
Siwayli, who teaches at Erbil’s Salahaddin University, is known in Iraqi Kurdistan for his book about love and relationships. He notes that the so called “French kiss” was introduced in Kurdistan only after it was seen in foreign movies. It is therefore called the “cinema kiss.”
“Culture and religion in Kurdistan have forbidden the kiss, as something that is only sensual, when it is not conducted in the right place,” Siwayli says. “The younger generation does not accept this anymore. They protest against the political Islam that describes every activity between a man and a woman as sexual.”
For that reason, couples now meet and kiss in the same park where the much-criticized picture was taken.
In a society that is booming economically and developing rapidly – but where so-called “honor killings” still happen when fathers and brothers hear daughters and sisters have been seen with a boy – it is no wonder that the kiss and its aftermath have become so controversial.
Siwayli calls kissing “simply part of life.” He charges those who started the latest discourse against it with a “lack of respect” towards people with a different opinion.
Kurdish society has to decide whether it wants to be part of modernity, “Because that is much more than just high rise buildings and computers,” he says. “There is no modernity without individual thinkers and rights. And at the moment there are no individual rights.”
That is why he sees a major role for politicians and leaders in Kurdistan. “Only with their support can Kurdistan become a more open society.” Yet, he is not optimistic. “Our politicians are even more conservative than the imams. I wonder who leads our region, rational politicians or religious men?” he asks.
Shivan hopes the protest action will continue and grow to fight the taboos, and vows to do his part.
“I will kiss my girlfriend in front of my family,” he promises after giving the matter some thought.”But only a kiss, of course, no more,” he laughs.
Comments
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6 13 Shinger I | 12 hours ago
They are trying so hard, but they lack the understanding of what is leading towards to. What that female schoolteacher said hits bullseye. It is not that the kiss is a sexual act, but what is leading towards to, isn't good. Besides, respect your culture and traditions. If you really want to change something and become modern, then start a rebellion against honor killings. The imams will even be on your side as well as most of the Kurds including me.
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23 2 Ramyar | 12 hours ago
I can not believe there is a debate on this!! kurdistan is a free society , and so it should be free for someone to kiss his or her partner! if somebody dosen't like to kiss in public, then they can kiss their partner in private. some people should learn to stop interfering in other peoples lives!! I mean seriously, this isn't pakistan!!
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11 2 Nash | 12 hours ago
I definitely would go for a kiss its a free country am not sure why we are even having discussion about it kurdistan does not belong to one group or another for them to decide what to do or how and where it's god given right and if the Islamist are not happy they simply can turn away or got the fuck out my country very simple
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6 2 Gulzar | 11 hours ago
I have been living in USA for 38 year and have not seen anyone kiss in public and it is not acceptable socially but they have right to hold hands or put hand on her shoulder in public. Why males can kiss each other in public that can be sexual too there for mullahs should says about it too. About Mullahs they have no right to tell people how to behave, eat, dress or tell you how to love God or how you can go to heaven, religion is believe not business and they can't act as parents to us, Mullahs acting like a police on our society and they need to stop their act for putting their nose in every bodys business.
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7 1 Aso Azadi | 10 hours ago
It's simply a contradiction in terms: the KRG cannot claim to be a secular, liberal democracy, while at the same time allowing a religious morality to pervade in public life. Choose one or the other. Thankfully, the polls show that Iraqi Kurds overwhelmingly prefer secularism to Islamism - even if many of those who vote for secular parties do not fully understand the nuances involved in running a secular society.
2 0 Shinger I | 9 hours ago
I have the feeling that the people who are commenting on these articles aren't Muslim to begin with. So who am i kidding here. Just a waist of time. Just like telling a kid to eat a healthy meal, when all he is think of is candy. Surat "Ibrahim" (14:4) - Here a part of the Ayah. "Allah sends astray [thereby] whom He wills and guides whom He wills.".
